


Alternate Takes

by owlaholic68



Category: Monster of the Week (Tabletop RPG), Original Work
Genre: 500 Words Challenge, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Criminals, Alternate Universe - Farm/Ranch, Alternate Universe - Merpeople, Alternate Universe - Royalty, Alternate Universe - Succubi & Incubi, M/M, Meet-Cute, Swearing, featuring James' mother
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-07
Updated: 2019-12-17
Packaged: 2021-01-24 14:18:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 4,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21339616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/owlaholic68/pseuds/owlaholic68
Summary: Just an excuse to write Jacques and James in different AUs.
Relationships: Original Male Character/Original Male Character
Kudos: 3





	1. Merman AU

“Eat him.”

Jacques glares over his shoulder at Lucy. “Shut up. I’m not going to eat him.”

“Why not?” Harriett comes up from the depths on his other side. “Do you think he wouldn’t taste good?”

“You could drown him,” Lucy suggests.

“Nobody’s eating or drowning him, he’s too cute. Now both of you be quiet or he’ll hear us,” Jacques snaps. He peeks over the rock towards the shore, where the target of his attention is sitting reading a book. One of his human friends tries to coax him into a game of volleyball, but he politely refuses.

Lucy sticks her tongue out. “You’re lame.” She flicks her tail and splashes him with water, then sinks back into the ocean.

Harriett follows, leaving Jacques alone to watch. Last week, he figured out that the man’s name was James and that his friends drag him to the beach every weekend, but he never goes swimming.

He seems quiet. Jacques watches him look around, seemingly annoyed by the noise. He stands on his very human bare feet and walks around to a more secluded area of the beach. Jacques follows, staying just below the water’s edge. James carefully picks his way across the rockier portion, his eyes set upon a larger rock at the end of the coast. His friends are out of sight. Jacques risks getting closer than he would normally dare, squinting slightly in the sun to keep his eyes on him.

James’ foot slips on a patch of wet moss. He yelps and flails his arms before falling off the land.

Not on Jacques’ watch, he won’t. He darts forward with a powerful thrust of his tail and catches James in his arms.

“Ah!” James screams again and kicks, narrowly missing Jacques’ head.

“It’s okay, I’ve got you!” Jacques adjusts his hold so James’ feet don’t brush the water. “Calm down so I don’t accidentally drop you!”

James stops moving and stares up at Jacques. This close, Jacques can see that his lovely eyes are pale green. “W-Who are you? What were you doing right h-here in the water?” He asks. His voice is softer than Jacques had expected.

“My name is Jacques.” his arms are starting to strain and he has no idea how to explain what he is. “How about I get you back on land?” He pushes himself up so he can deposit James on a low flat rock. The upper part of his tail is exposed, and James notices.

“A-Are you a merman?” James asks, eyes wide.

“Yes, you’re so smart, sweetheart,” Jacques purrs. He pulls himself half-up onto the rock. “You’re cute for a human, James.”

“T-Thanks?” He seems flustered but doesn’t immediately flee, so a good start. “Um, y-you too?” He clutches the edges of his mercifully dry book. “I w-was going to just sit here and read, if that’s okay. You can stay if you want.”

Jacques stays and delights in his company, lounging on the rock together on the beach.


	2. Stardew Valley AU

Jacques wakes to the thrum of rain on the roof.

He sits up and sighs, rubbing his face and shivering in the pre-dawn chill. He turns on the bedside lamp and glares out the window.

“At least I don’t have to water today,” he grumbles to himself. It’s a few minutes past six. Good early start if he actually had shit to do. No point in tilling or woodcutting when it’s so wet. He might as well head to the mines today.

Gets dressed in the dark and grabs a granola bar on his way out the door.

The downpour instantly drenches him. Thank goodness his backpack is waterproof or his torches would be useless. Jacques’ glasses fog up and his curly hair plasters to his forehead.

He really should have brought an umbrella when he moved here. Or a raincoat. Or boots. He’s woefully unequipped to be a farmer.

Jacques trudges up the hill towards the mines. Quiet and alone but for the drum of the rain onto the packed earth. You’d have to be crazy to be up at this hour.

There’s someone else on the path. Jacques stops and tries to backtrack to avoid them. Four months, and he’s managed to meet as few people as possible.

“Oh, good morning!”

Shit, they saw him. Jacques winces. “Um, hello.”

A man stands from where he was crouching next to some bushes. He’s tall and fair, wearing an old-fashioned raincoat and galoshes. “I’ve seen you around. Mister Revel, right?” He’s oddly cheery.

Jacques nods.

“My name is James. James Jenkins.” James approaches to shake Jacques’ hand. “I live up on the hill with my mother. Oh dear, you look miserable. Here, take my umbrella.” He holds it above Jacques’ head until he takes it.

_What the fuck is wrong with you? _Jacques wants to snap. _Fuck off, dude, I don’t need your help or your pity. I’m fine being fucking soaked. _“Thanks,” he says instead. James’ overbearing kindness has squashed his temper.

“Where are you headed so early?” James smiles and Jacques feels his heart crack and start to melt.

“Mining.” Jacques has been reduced to one-word answers. He’s a bit in shock.

“Do be careful, the mines are dangerous.” James wrings his hands. “May I walk you there? I’m going in the same direction.”

“O-Okay.” Jacques relinquishes control of the umbrella to the much taller James, staying at his shoulder as they walk. The quiet is now colored by romanticism and excitement of a new friend. His only friend in this town.

James peeks down at him every couple of minutes with a soft smile. He’s cute.

“Do you like blueberries?” Jacques blurts after an awkward silence. He’s blushing.

“I do. Why do you ask?”

“I’ll bring you a few baskets. I’m fucking drowning in blueberries.” They finally reach the mines. James insists upon letting him have the umbrella, waving goodbye as Jacques ducks into the caves.

Not such an awful morning in the end, despite the rain.


	3. Royalty AU

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I only specialize in weird niche twists on popular AUs.

“Are you arresting me?” Jacques asks for the fourth time.

The Palace guards sigh. “No,” one of them says. “Should we be?”

“No, just wondering.” He nervously looks around as they lead him into the Queen’s antechamber. People like him don’t get official summons to the Palace for no reason.

The Queen is sitting in an intimate Hearing room. She is an older woman, strong-backed and gentle. Jacques has never met her before but she looks oddly familiar. Something about the tilt of her eyes…

“Mister Revel,” the guards present him. Jacques bows and wishes he wasn’t still injured from last night’s fight.

“I am honored to meet Your Majesty.” He straightens but keeps his head down.

“Mister Revel, at ease.” The Queen gestures to a guard. “Please fetch my son. Tell him it’s urgent.” They scurry off. “Young man, please tell me about yourself. You are surely curious about why you are here, but we have some time until I can tell you.”

Jacques’ curiosity grows even more. He haltingly tells of his personal life, leaving out the illegal parts. Lives with his two sisters in a bad part of town and does odd jobs.

After five minutes of awkward conversation, the doors behind him open. Brisk footsteps click on the marble floor.

“Mother, you called for me-”

Jacques whirls at the familiar voice. “James?” He gasps

It is indeed James. He’s dressed so fucking fancy and looks like he’s about to faint. “J-Jacques?” He stammers. “W-What are you doing here?”

James is the crown prince. Holy shit. The prince of the kingdom has been sneaking out to watch Jacques win at highly illegal underground brawling rings. Jacques has been banging the _prince, what the fuck._

“Oh good, you know each other.” The Queen stands and claps her hands. “James, I’m sorry but I had you followed last night. I suspected you had a secret lover.”

“Mother-” James protests. He protectively stands in front of Jacques, loosely grabbing his wrist.

She waves a hand. “No, I’m not mad. I’m glad you’re finally being rebellious. However, I would like to propose a solution so you don’t have to keep sneaking out to see him.”

Jacques twists his wrist so he’s holding James’ hand.

“Obviously your personal guard is lacking. I see a perfectly capable replacement.” She nods at Jacques. “Mister Revel, you are hired effective immediately as my son’s personal guard.”

“Thank you, Madam.” Jacques finally gets her gist.

She laughs. “Good luck. I’ll leave you two to fine-tune the details.” She glides out of the room.

“I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you before,” James whispers as soon as she’s gone. “I didn’t know how.”

“No, I get it.” Jacques clears his throat. “It’s a shock, though. And I’m apparently your guard now?”

James blushes. “Yes, I suppose. It pays well, and you have your own room that connects to mine.”

Jacques laughs and hugs James in the privacy of the room. “Not a bad gig. I’ll take it.”


	4. Demon AU

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Incubus AU, actually. Same thing, different Department.

James’ hands shake as he lights the final candle, but he’s confident in the layers of looping sigils drawn on his kitchen floor in chalk and salt. He kneels in front of the circle and reads an incantation, closing his eyes and hoping that this isn’t all nonsense.

A flash of light and the faint smell of burnt sulfur.

James cracks one eye open and sees a man sitting cross-legged inside the circle. A completely _naked _man. He quickly closes his eyes again.

“Um, h-hello,” he stammers. “I hope I – I didn’t disturb you.”

“Hello there, dear,” the man says. Low voice. “Wow, you’re shy. You’re allowed to look at me, you know.”

“C-can you please put some clothing on first?”

The man sighs. “Fine, if you insist. I thought you’d _want _me naked.” A rustling sound. “I’m decent now.”

James opens his eyes and properly looks. The man (demon, he reminds himself – not a man) is shorter than James. He has bright blue eyes, red curly hair, and big thick glasses. Oddly cute.

He clears his throat. Back to business. “I w-would like to propose a deal. First, what may I call you?”

“You can call me Jacques.” Jacques leans forward and gives a sultry smile. “And your name?”

James bites his lip and stays silent. Advice from a book: don’t give your name until the deal is signed.

Jacques laughs. “Oh, you’re smart! Well no matter, sweetheart, continue.”

“M-My mother is ill. I would like her be cured of it within the week.” The illness was not fatal, but it was debilitating and treatment was expensive. James’ mother was all he had left.

“Hm. Sick mommy, not really my area of expertise.” Jacques crosses his arms. “But I could do it, easy. What will you give me in exchange?”

James nervously swallows. “W-What do you suggest? What would suffice?”

“Oh, darling. Do you even know what kind of demon you summoned?”

“Um, I – I don’t.”

Another amused chuckle. James has a feeling he’s not going to like the answer. “I’m an incubus, dear.”

An incubus. James buries his head in his hands. Of all the demons, he ends up with a _sex _demon…

“How about this? You give me a month.”

“A month?” James raises his head.

“Yes, that’s all.” Jacques produces a scroll from nowhere. “Here’s the contract. Nothing involved that you don’t agree to.”

The contract is straightforward. Jacques lives with him for a month and does whatever James asks of him. The phrasing implies raunchy things, but it covers everything.

With shaking hand, he takes a pen and signs at the bottom next to Jacques’ name.

“Then it’s a deal!” Jacques claps his hands. “Now, do you mind letting me out of this circle, sweetheart?”

“James.” James erases part of the chalk and salt. “My name is James.”

“James, that’s sweet.” Jacques crawls out of the circle and into his lap. James blushes at the suggestive proximity. “Now, what would you have me do first?”


	5. Demon AU Part 2

The first thing James learns about his new demonic roommate is that he’s very tactile.

Jacques is always touching him like a cat demanding attention. Grabbing James’ hand while they’re at the store, holding his arm while James is driving, or cuddling up to him whenever James makes the mistake of sitting down.

“What do you want me to do?” Is his favorite thing to say, usually accompanied by whatever pet name he’s come with that day.

“Do the dishes, please,” James says. He manages a different answer every time: “Help me fold laundry. Accompany me to the store. Go put the kettle on.”

The second thing James learns about Jacques is that he’s excellent at his job and optimistically persistent.

James does not invite him into his bed but wakes every morning to Jacques in his arms all the same. Jacques will feign sleep then will slyly try to steal a kiss.

Another thing James denies him: a kiss seems far too serious.

He could tell Jacques to stop anytime, but he never does. Their little back-and-forth game brightens his day, and James reluctantly admits that he was touch-starved before this. Jacques is also an excellent hugger and good at comforting. He’s attentive. He’s sweet. It’s easy to forget he’s a demon.

Three weeks pass. Jacques broaches the subject of an extension to their contract.

“Another month would be okay,” James admits. Time flew by far too fast. “We’ll see from there.”

That turns into another three months, then a six month extension.

The third thing James learns about Jacques is that he’s very patient.

A total of seven months pass before James kisses him. They’re sitting on the couch together. James is reading and Jacques is lounging in his lap. The urge happens between one paragraph and another. He puts a hand on Jacques’ cheek and leans down. Jacques melts into the kiss and drapes his arms around James’ neck.

“About fucking time,” he murmurs. “Patience is not one of my virtues. What would you have me do?”

James laughs. “I want you to kiss me again.”

The fourth thing he learns is that Jacques is an intense kisser.

A year passes. James stares at the calendar and makes an easy decision. He pokes his head into the living room. The house is dark but for the light of Jacques’ phone. Probably waiting for James to fall asleep so he can sneak into his room. James clears his throat.

“J-Jacques.”

“Hm? What do you want me to do, sweetheart?” Jacques frowns over his shoulder.

“I – I, um-” James wrings his hands, suddenly nervous. “C-Come to bed with me?”

Jacques is suddenly standing in front of him, eyes wide. “Really? Like, just for sleeping or _to bed?”_

“N-Not just for sleeping,” James stammers. He doesn’t get a chance to further elaborate. Jacques scoops him up and carries him into the bedroom, kicking the door shut. He grins.

“I thought you’d never ask. What do you want me to do?”


	6. Criminals AU

Wind whips through Jacques’ hair and sirens scream from behind him as he takes a sharp turn too fast. The wheels of the bike skid and squeal.

“Be careful!” James yelps into his ear.

Jacques giddily laughs in response and goes even faster through the dark city streets. Manic adrenaline makes his fingers tingle and his vision sharpen.

It feels like it’s just the two of them on this bike. Nobody else around for miles.

Except for the half a dozen police cars furiously chasing them.

James is sitting solidly on the bike in Jacques’ lap. He’s wearing Jacques’ leather jacket and a plain motorcycle helmet. He takes shaky aim with a pistol over his shoulder.

“Aim for the tires!” Jacques yells. That’ll steady him: James couldn’t bear the thought of taking a life but he’s a decent shot in practice. “You can do it, dear!”

A few shots and the loud _pop _of a tire behind them. A police car skids and takes two others down with it. The others lose their trail as they turn a few quick corners and escape down a narrow alley.

They ditch the bike and Jacques breaks into a car. James drives slowly and calmly to their safehouse.

Jacques starts laughing as soon as they get safely inside. He picks James up and twirls him around. They did it. They pulled off their crazy heist! James giggles too, face flushed and grinning, even as he’s still shaking from the excitement.

A perfect chaotic job. James uses his honeypot face to get into a party with Jacques as his bodyguard. James causes a distraction, Jacques steals anything he can get his hands on. Which was a _lot. _They get away just as their victims realize they’ve been robbed.

Time for their post-heist tradition. Jacques pins James against the door and makes out with him until they’re both breathless.

“I got you something,” Jacques whispers. Another tradition. Whenever he’s on a job, he tries to steal something for James, who normally doesn’t come with him. The violence that Jacques brings tends to scare him too much.

“Oh, you didn’t have to.” James expectantly closes his eyes and holds out his hand. He knows this drill.

Jacques deposits a gorgeous pocketknife into James’ hand, curling his fingers over the smooth handle of mother-of-pearl and embedded gemstones. It’s gaudy and flashy but it reminded him of James. Delicate and handsome, with hidden practicality.

“Ooh, it’s pretty!” James turns it over. He’s not big into knives, but they’re not bad in case of emergency. “Thank you, dear, I like it.”

“I’m glad.” Jacques grins and brushes a smudge of dirt off his partner’s nose. “Now, this place has nice showers. How about we take advantage of them?” He still smells of smoke and blood, of the city that has learned to fear and respect him.

“That sounds like a wonderful idea.” James drapes an arm around Jacques’ shoulders and kisses his forehead. “We did a great job tonight.”


	7. Criminals Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James plays the victim.

James is in line at the bank when gunshots ring out behind him. He drops to his knees and the busy weekend crowd around him follows his lead.

“Everybody down!” A woman in the doorway yells, unnecessarily. Her face and hair are covered but Lucy’s gleeful voice is unmistakable. James sees a blur in the corner of his vision as another woman jumps the counter and takes down the clerks. That’ll be Harriett. James notices the two security guards go down and carefully doesn’t look: Jacques.

Harriett and Jacques slip into the back, but Lucy is stuck on crowd control. She fires a pistol into the air to demand silence.

“Stay calm and you’ll all be fine,” she says. “Put all purses and bags on this table, then go kneel down with your hands on your head.” She gestures with the gun. “Now.”

James shakily stands first and puts his (empty) backpack on the table, then kneels where Lucy indicated. Hands on his head. The rest nervously do the same.

There are way too many people for Lucy to keep track of. This could turn bad. James peeks at the clock. Jacques and Harriett need at least five minutes with the vault.

A guy near James is restlessly shifting. Reaching for his pocket.

“Don’t,” James hisses. He’s ignored. “Don’t!” Loud enough to warn Lucy. The guy makes a run for her with a knife in hand. She dodges and twists the blade from his hands, then knees him in the nuts and follows it up with a kick to the ribs.

Lucy pockets the knife and glares. She paces in front of the group and stops in front of James.

“You. Up.”

He closes his eyes and doesn’t move. Lucy grabs his wrist and yanks him up. He half-heartedly fights before she twists his arm behind his back and puts the gun to his throat.

“If anyone else decides to _test me _today, you’ll have his blood on your hands.” She adjusts her loose hold on James’ wrist. “Start crying,” she hisses.

He is happy to oblige.

_(No offense, but what are his fucking skills in a heist? Lucy had asked._

_He can cry on command, Jacques offered. Could be useful.)_

Five minutes pass. The other bank hostages are still and quiet. First heist in months with no bystander deaths.

Police pull up outside as Jacques and Harriett run out of the vault.

“Back way is open,” Harriett calls out.

“Let’s go.” Lucy clears her throat. “Don’t shoot! We have hostages!” She yells to the police, then drags James backwards. “Remember what you’re gonna tell the police?” She whispers.

James nods.

“Good. We’ll meet you back at base. I’m letting you go in one, two, three…” Lucy shoves him to the side and sprints out the back door with the others just as the police burst into the bank.

James sniffles and forces himself to hyperventilate. Phase One of the heist complete. Now it’s time to play the terrified victim.


	8. Stardew Valley AU Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You know that feeling when you only have like 10 health left and everything is flashing red, and you're stuck in a corner of Skull Caverns surrounded by like 30 enemies? That's this chapter.

The front door opens and James turns from the stove. He gasps.

“Hi honey, I’m home,” Jacques rasps, leaning heavily on his bloody sword.

He collapses.

James screams and catches him before he hits the floor. He removes Jacques’ bulging backpack and rolls him over to reveal his condition.

Jacques is caked in dirt and dust. His clothing is matted with blood and slime. One sleeve is half-burnt to tatters. When James removes his boots, cupfuls of sand spill out.

“D-Doctor,” he stutters to himself. “I need to c-call the doctor-”

“No doctor,” Jacques mutters, his eyes cracking open. One is puffy and doesn’t open all the way. His glasses are missing a lens on that side. “No doctor.”

James nods. “If you insist. B-But we’re going to the clinic tomorrow.”

Jacques passes out again before he can protest. James takes a deep breath to steady himself. He drags Jacques to the bathroom and dumps him in the bathtub. He starts running warm water while he scurries to the kitchen. He takes down a vial of precious Life Elixir and pours half of it into a cup.

“Drink this,” he orders, putting the cup to Jacques’ lips. Jacques, half-conscious, obediently drinks. Some color returns to his face and his breathing eases.

The water running into the drain is dark. James gently but efficiently undresses Jacques, trying not to cry from seeing the extent of his injuries. How could this happen?

“You’re a mess,” James snaps when Jacques whines. “You need to be more careful.” He switches the water to the handheld sprayer and gets to work on Jacques’ hair. “You worry me.”

“I’m sorry,” Jacques mumbles. He slumps against the tub wall.

“I know.” James declares his hair a hopeless battle and focuses on the rest of his body. “That doesn’t mean you won’t do this again, though.”

Most injuries look less scary after being cleaned, but a long deep gash across Jacques’ chest worries him. James fetches the rest of the Life Elixir. Jacques hates “wasting” it, but he reluctantly drinks the rest of it. The gash stops sluggishly bleeding. The water in the tub starts to run clearer.

“How did this happen?” James goes back to the immense task of trying to detangle Jacques’ hair.

“Mines.”

“Yes, I figured, but you usually fare better.”

Jacques is silent for several minutes. “I got reckless.” He rubs one arm, reddened from a minor burn. “And almost blew myself up. And jumped down a hole that was way deeper than I thought. And got cornered by like ten fucking slimes.”

James sighs. He yanks a wad of congealed slime out of Jacques’ hair and lathers shampoo into it, then rinses. Another shampoo, another rinse. Drags a wide-toothed comb through it, then another round of cleaning until he’s satisfied.

“You’re mad at me.”

Another sigh. “Yes, I am. But only because I’m worried.” James turns off the water. “But we’ll talk later. For now, let’s patch you up and go to bed.”


End file.
